I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
