I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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