Buhtt sex?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
