I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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