K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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