After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
