i will never coherently bang her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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