Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
