then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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