and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
