Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
