final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
