I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
