My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
