I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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