This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
