I think I am morally bankrupt
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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