i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you had me at cake vodka
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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