If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
