I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize