and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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