I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
