i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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