Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
