the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
