he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
