There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
