This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
