Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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