Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
