My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
