Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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