i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
