Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
