Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
