I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
