i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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