proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
