yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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