Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
