my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
