throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
