i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
