why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
