I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
