I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
