420 ftw
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize