it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
