New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
