okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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