she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
