I want to have your abortion
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
