A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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