I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
