I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
