dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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