I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
