How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
