oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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