please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
