she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
