If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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