I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize