lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
