i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
