No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
