My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
