I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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