I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
