I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
