all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize