I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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