Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
