My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it glows. i had to have it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
