remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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