so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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