Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
