Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
