I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
