How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
