Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dick very happy bro
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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