Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize