So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
