I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize