Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thus making me awesome and them whores
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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