saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
