she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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