Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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