Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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