Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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