I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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