Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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