she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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