I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry about my life...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
