Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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