One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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