Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
