just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
