dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize