hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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