rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Vodka?
Forever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
