your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
