I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
