It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
