I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
