I wish I only lived at night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
