I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
