My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize