Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
