i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
