everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
