Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm really busy with my period
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