He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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