It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
