Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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