before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
