she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
