Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
