Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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